I guess one of the easiest ways for me vent is to write.  Even when I’m trying to communicate to my own husband, I have been known to write notes instead of straight up talking to him.  Sometimes I’m just embarrassed by the things that I say, and don’t want to say them out loud. Sometimes it’s that I want to make sure I say it all correctly and word it how I want.  And sometimes it’s because I want to make sure I get out everything I’m trying to say before I get sidetracked or interrupted on a specific topic.  It’s always been hard for me; it makes me feel vulnerable.

Now that I’ve said that, other times I just like to write it out so I know what I’m thinking; I’m organizing my thoughts and trying to decipher how I feel.  Sort of a quiet time for me I suppose.

Today is Easter. What an incredible celebration of our Saviors promise and resurrection.  We had an amazing church service this morning, too, that was very emotional and inspiring.  Jon and I are living fulfilled lives: we are involved in church, we attend life groups, we are always working to better our marriage by communicating and taking time for each other, we both have relatively stable jobs and a house… honestly, we are so incredibly blessed!

In my life groups, I have been learning to battle the devil in my thoughts, and therefore through what I say and my actions.  However, today I feel as though I have failed miserably. The devil found a kink in my armor that is one of my weakest areas to have patience in.  It’s a dream of mine, that WILL become a reality, and I know that, but sometimes, it’s so hard to wait.  Satan fills my mind with doubts that it will never come true, jealousy and envy that others are moving forward in their dreams.  This specific subject has come up tens of times this year so far, and it’s something that I think about almost daily!

Lately, I have been doing well figuring out which thoughts to take captive as lies and deceit.  Today, I was feeling so anxious and a little off.  The devil took advantage of that to hit me in a vulnerable area in my life.  I talked myself down before discussing with Jon and was still more emotional than I intended, but after prayer and knowing my God is in control, I am much more at peace!  I need to be diligent in asking and seeking for my Father.

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8

Patience is hard, but rewarded!

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.  In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but he Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. Romans 8:24-26

 

My God is an awesome God.