I lack a filter… not like a filter for water or a filter for saying grossly inappropriate things, but a filter of what details of my personal life I should share.  Some may consider this a bad thing (i.e. my husband)  He feels as though you should limit the amount of information you make available to others at all times.  I mean, I don’t tell people everything.  However, as far as experiences go, I feel that it’s important to share events in your life.  Especially if living through those things brings about a connecting with someone who may be experiencing that very same thing, or someone who may be able to use your story down the line, or someone who hasn’t yet gone through that, but will, or someone…….

The point is, our life is a living testimony.  If we don’t share it, how do we make connections with people?

That being said, I also want to point out that is can and will affect how others view you, so you still need to be careful about what kind of personal things you share, how they will relate to individuals, and if you would care if that story be carried on and shared by others.

Well, I had an interview today.  It was for a Daycare/Preschool for children with special needs.  Now, I have never really considered working with children with special needs until recently when this job came up.  My dream is to teach in a public school (3rd grade if I can swing it) where I have the summers off, with trainings, making connections with kids and teaching content that I am excited about!  I know what I’m getting into; I’ve been preparing for this job all through college and the two years following it.  Guys… THIS is what I’m supposed to do! Well….

We’ve moved to Conway for Jon’s job and have been here since June. Not a lot of time to get my foot in the door to be a teacher, but I tried.  And failed.  But I can substitute!  So I applied to sub towards the end of August, but those who do this know you have to have a recent background checks.  I filled out what I needed to, gave one to the school to be sent off, and sent off the other one.  One came back pretty fast, however, my other background check is no where to be found.  At this point, I am getting nervous because surely all these other subs have already started subbing, making connections, and possibly getting long term sub positions that I’m supposed to get! They will no doubt be hired before me!  (Less than a month into school and this is how my mind works)

I made several phone calls over the following weeks and finally, after over a month, the police dept. “found” my fingerprint card, after calling them several times and saying they “haven’t processed it” or “didn’t receive it.”  I was so relieved to have the process moving forward again, but I can’t make up all this lost time of sitting at home making up tasks that needed to be done. (This chair should probably be sat in today.  Equal use to all our furniture.  I should also probably turn the TV on, too, while I’m sitting here to catch up on shows.  That’s productive!)

Back to that interview, my background check is supposed to be in this week… but this other job opportunity has come up.  One that I am slightly prepared for, right?  I mean, I’ll be working with the same age group that I have the previous two school years, toddlers, I know where they should be developmentally, I know how to change diapers with my eyes closed, I know how to record behaviors and went through several trainings to be prepared for this…

But it’s special needs!

That fact only scares me to death, and I don’t feel I’m prepared at all for this.  Prayer has been my constant companion… Because the timing was incredible, I’m not going in completely blind, and I’ve been denied other opportunities so far.  Some people believe in coincidences, but come on!  It’s all there, but I’m still so full of doubt and terrified.  This isn’t what my dream is! This isn’t what I was being prepared for!

Now, these past couple of days have been filled with prayer and confiding in loved ones.  I was offered the job Thursday evening and asked to shadow for the job.  So Friday, I shadowed.  After that, Jon told me to write down how I felt immediately after I got home so we could discuss it and figure out which opportunity is right for me.  I finished writing and decided to do my Bible study for the day (I’m working on a Beth Moore book study), and while completing my “homework,” I had the urge to write down something that came to me.

In short, God told me that I’ve been praying for a job, and He provided one if I wanted it.  However, if I wanted to follow my dream, there was still that opportunity.  He was giving me the choice…. AGAIN!  Why!?  He already let me choose if I wanted to be a leader (Church Camp Link).  I just wanted God to tell me where to go.

How selfish is that? God gave me free will… and I don’t want to make the hard decisions.  Do we stay strict with our budgets while I follow my dream? Or should I take the job to start making more money and start on that career path?

I’m slowly learning that I’m going to have to decide for myself on some things when my God is gracious enough to give me these opportunities.  How selfish I’ve been, when I have been so incredibly blessed.

Well, I have chosen to follow my dreams.  Since making the decision, I have been really excited.  I have so much support around me.  I think I have made the right decision, and although I sometimes second guess myself, I know that God will be there with me.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21

Lykaios Chronicle