I was once told an analogy of friendship, and how a lot of people act regarding it:
| Picture yourself as a child, and you have inside cats/dogs (whichever you prefer). Since they are inside, you have all the time in the world with them. Play catch, learn tricks, chase them around… but there are also cats/dogs outside. You often find yourself sitting by the backdoor watching them, wanting to go play with them and neglecting those that are inside with you. Those perfectly willing to roll over and be loved on by you. |
This often happens in our friendships. We have friends that love us so much and are always there when we need them, but we want the friends on the other side… the ones we can’t always have or weren’t really meant to have. We yearn for a friendship that would most likely be one sided. I wanted to write about this personally because I’ve really struggled with friendship. Tonight was also the start of a small group book study I’m attending at my church.
I can honestly say that all but one of my friendships up until college were very shallow (not including family). That’s not to say that they weren’t my “friends”…. but were they? I can still go up to many of them and chat with them just like high school all over again, but that’s all it is: small talk.
Many of us hold onto friendships that we want so bad, when they hold no value to us.
Sometimes, we need to let go of the things that bring us down. Or maybe we just moved to a different stage of life, and you have to start over. Moving wasn’t hard for me since I didn’t invest heavily in people. That’s my introverted side. But that means, when I do have those people, I really work at those relationships. Let’s see… I have two of those not including my husband.
“The next person you meet could be a lifelong friend.” This give me some encouragement to go out and try to meet people. We try so hard to push away the things in our life that are changing. We like things to stay the same. Sometimes it’s damaging. A friend once told me (paraphrase) he hated when people wrote “never change” in yearbooks. That has always stuck with me. We are supposed to be ever changing. How boring would it be if we stayed the same person after a certain point in our life? How irresponsible? How emotionally unstable? How hurt or angry? People change. It’s what we were meant to do. But if that’s the case, why do we avoid it with everything that we are?
Relationships require commitment. Commitment means I am making myself vulnerable to the other person. That’s hard to do, but I’m willing to try at the risk of my emotional well being, and for my emotional well being. I need people that will build me up and are willing to grow with me.
In a world filled with so many people, why are friends so hard to find?