So today was a pretty amazing day. Well, sorta. After work, I sat at the DMV for about an hour, but after that I went to the gym and ran a mile and a half. Then my wonderful husband took me to eat Taco Bell (my choice) because I didn’t want to go home and cook so late. Plus, who doesn’t want something unhealthy but incredibly delicious after working out? That’s right – nobody! After we ate, I was craving something sweet, and Jon wanted coffee. We ended up at the Onyx Coffee Lab. I used our punch card for the final time, so we both ended up with free coffee. It was meant to be! I love spending time with Jonathan, and we have been making more time for each other which has been fantastic. While we were there, we met a very bright high school senior that shared a common interest in the Vlog Brothers. Jon loves meeting new (intelligent) people so this was exciting for him. He is very extroverted. I am not, but I had a good time. During the conversation the three of us held, I would occasionally get a feeling of unease, kinda like I didn’t really belong. Don’t get me wrong, this girl was super nice and smart, and I really liked her. But why would I be getting this feeling?
As I reflected on it on the drive home, I realized I felt inadequate comparing myself to her. No sane person compares their inadequacies to the capabilities of another. It’s demoralizing. However, I did do this. I felt as though she was much more intelligent that I was, and as both Jon and this girl were both extroverted, they really hit it off well. It’s not that I wasn’t as equally intelligent either, however, the topics of choice were dominated by the interested of both Jon and the girl. So of course they would be better versed in areas of passion. I’m not a jealous person usually, but is that what this feeling was?
I came to a conclusion. It’s not that I was jealous of her as a person, but of her ability to bring out an energy in Jon when they spoke of genetics or statistics, that I am not really able to do often. This was a relief to me, (I found out the source of my unease!) but it was still a hindrance. I wanted Jon to have that energy around me. I want to be the one to make Jon happy all the time. (Not really fair for his personality type I know, but emotions aren’t reasonable/sane) I spoke to Jon about it – as I talk to Jon about everything – and he reassured me of myself.
You see, I don’t really think I am that good at anything in particular. Jon says I am, but there are people out there that are always going to be better and more knowledgeable at that particular thing, like art or education. So why would I bother to better myself in those areas and spread my knowledge that is already out there somewhere on the internet where everyone can find it if they want it instead of reading or listening to what I have to say?
The answer is simple, yet still hard for me to grasp. I can still make a difference in someone’s life with the knowledge and talent that I have. ME! In the lives I’ve touched, I hope that I am able to make a difference. I hope others realize that they are just as important in someone’s life as doctor with an antidote may be to someone with an illness. People are important. Everyone has some sort of value in their lives. So don’t sell yourself short. You have a talent or knowledge that can change someone’s life. You just have to believe in yourself.
Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. Hebrews 10:35-36